I thought I had covered everything.
Not because I thought I was smarter than social media. Quite the opposite. I knew exactly what I was afraid of before I ever published my first journal entry.
I wasn’t afraid that nobody would read what I wrote.
I was afraid that if they did, I’d slowly start feeling responsible for them.
So before I started The ROE Life™, I spent a ridiculous amount of time thinking about what felt right.
Not what I wanted to do, because those aren’t always the same thing.
I would actually write every day, but that wasn’t realistic.
So I kept asking myself different questions.
What could I actually keep up with?
What felt sustainable?
What was I comfortable sharing without handing over every inch of my private life?
What could my nervous system actually handle?
That was the whole point.
Not building a journal but protecting myself so I could keep journaling.
Then I made myself a promise about my writing and sharing pieces of it.
None of it was supposed to become another obligation.
I just didn’t realize those same boundaries wouldn’t follow me onto social media.
And that’s why I’ve been thinking about Threads a lot lately.
So why did I feel myself start to pull away?
I keep coming back to one little thing.
The red notification dot.
Sometimes I’d leave it there on purpose.
Almost like saving the best bite of dinner for last.
I liked seeing it.
Eeks. That sounds weird.
No…that’s not it.
I liked knowing someone had connected with something I wrote.
That’s different.
Then I’d reply.
And reply again.
By the third reply I’d catch myself thinking, Okay…I’m done now.
Nobody had said anything wrong.
Nobody was demanding anything from me. I just didn’t want to keep coming back.
It’s something else that’s been bugging me, though.
I caught myself looking for posts to comment on.
Why?
Why am I doing that?
That’s not even like me.
If I have something to say, I say it.
If I don’t, I don’t.
So why am I scrolling around looking for something to respond to?
I’ve been thinking about that for days now.
The more I think about it, the more I realize the answer started long before Threads.
I keep remembering how much time I spent trying to protect myself before I ever hit Publish.
Not just the writing. The whole thing.
I wanted to know what I could realistically keep up with.
What felt sustainable.
What reflected me.
What felt like me.
I thought I had covered everything I needed so I could finally exhale and just write.
Did I, though?
Or did I only think through my journal?
I never really stopped to think about my social media boundaries.
Instead, I quietly started following everyone else’s.
Nobody handed me those rules.
I just picked them up somewhere along the way.
Reply.
Engage.
Keep the conversation going.
Be available.
Then somewhere along the way, connection started feeling like commitment.
My first instinct is the same one it’s always been.
Back away.
I’ve done that over and over again.
Pressure. Quit. Time passes. Start over. Repeat.
That’s what I should do.
…No.
I don’t think I want to decide that while I’m still feeling the pressure.
Because then the pressure is making the decision.
And I don’t want pressure making decisions that peace should make.
Should I leave Threads? …Or do I just need to figure out how I want to be there?
I don’t have the answers yet.
I do think I need my own Rules of Engagement.
I don’t know what those will be.
I just know I want them to include permission.
Permission to be unavailable.
Permission to step away.
Permission to disappear for a week if that’s what I need.
Because I’d rather step away for a week than get to the point where I think, Enough of this.
I want to take care of the person who’s going to pick up the pen again.
I have a feeling Future Me is going to need this reminder.
🌬️
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This Connects To…
→ Opting Out Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Care
→ Make Decisions You Can Live With